Scene 1:  The Wormwoods Living Room

Mr W bursts in, pushing past Matilda and speaking into a telephone

Mr Wormwood

Yes sir, That’s right sir. One hundred and fifty five brand new luxury cars, sir

Mrs Wormwood screams noticing Matilda reading a book

Mrs Wormwood

Ahhhh! Harry!

Mr Wormwood

Hang on…….

Mrs Wormwood

Look at this, she’s reading a book!  That’s not normal for a five year old.  I think she might be an idiot.

Matilda reading out loud

Matilda

Listen to this, ‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…..’

Mrs Wormwood covers her ears

Mr Wormwood

Stop scaring your mother with that book, boy!

Matilda

 Im a girl

Mrs Wormwood

And she keeps trying to tell me stories, Harry.  It’s not normal for a girl to be all thinking…….

Mr Wormwood

into the phone

Mr Wormwood

I’m gonna call you straight back

hangs up, to Mrs Wormwood

Mr Wormwood

I’m trying to pull off the biggest business deal of my life and I have to listen to this?

Mr Wormwood 

What about me? Ive got a whole house to look after, dinners don’t microwave themselves you know!  I am off to bleach my roots and I shan’t be talking to you for the rest of the evening.

Mr Wormwood

But Im going to make us rich!

Mr Wormwood

How rich?

Mr Wormwood

Very rich! Russian businessmen.  Very, very stupid.  Your genius husband is going to sell them one hundred and fifty five old bangers as…..brand new luxury cars!

Matilda

But that’s not fair! The cars will break down, what about the Russians?

Mr Wormwood

Fair? Listen to the boy!

Matilda

I'm a girl

Mr Wormwood

Fair does not get you anywhere, you thick-headed twit brain!  All I can say is thank heavens Michael has inherited his old man’s brains, eh son?

Michawel 

(watche.  I’ve tolds tv)  Mi---chael

Michawel

(watche.  I’ve tolds tv)  Mi---chael

Mrs Wormwood

Well, I shall take your money when you earn it.  And I shall spend it.  But I shan’t enjoy it because of the despicable way in which you have spoken to me tonight

Mrs Wormwood exits

#2 – INTRO TO NAUGHTY begins

Mr Wormwood(to Matilda) 

This is your fault! With your studid books and your stupid reading!

Matilda

But that’s not right!

Mr Wormwood

You’re off to school in a few days and I know your headmistress Agatha Trunchbull.  I’ve told her all about you.  Scary woman she is, used to compete in the Olympics, throwing her hammer.  Imagine what she’s going to do to a horrible little goblin like you, boy.

Matilda 

I’m a girl

Mr Wormwood

Now get off to bed you little…..bookworm!

Matilda goes to her room and picks up a book

Naughty

Verse 1

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
So they say, their subsequent fall was inevitable
They never stood a chance, they were written that way
Innocent victims of their story

Verse 2

Like Romeo and Juliet
'Twas written in the stars before they even met
That love and fate and a touch of stupidity
Would rob them of their hope of living happily
The endings are often a little bit gory
I wonder why they didn't just change their story
We're told we have to do what we're told but surely
Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty

Chorus

Just because you find that life's not fair, it
Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it
If you always take it on the chin and wear it
Nothing will change
Even if you're little you can do a lot, you
Mustn't let a little thing like little stop you
If you sit around and let them get on top, you
Might as well be saying you think that it's okay
And that's not right

Verse 3

Cinderella in the cellar
Didn't have to do much, as far as I could tell
Her godmother was two-thirds fairy
And suddenly her lot was a lot less scary
But what if you haven't got a fairy to fix it
Sometimes you have to make a little bit of mischief

Chorus

Just because you find that life's not fair, it
Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it
If you always take it on the chin and wear it
Nothing will change
Even if you're little you can do a lot, you
Mustn't let a little thing like little stop you
If you sit around and let them get on top, you
Might as well be saying you think that it's okay
And that's not right

Post-Chorus

And if it's not right
You have to put it right...

 

Bridge

In the slip of a bolt, there's a tiny revolt
The seed of a war in a creak of a floorboard
A storm can begin with a flap of a wing
The tiniest mite packs the mightiest sting
Every day starts with a tick of a clock
All escapes start with the click of a lock
If you're stuck in your story and want to get out
You don't have to cry
You don't have to shout

Chorus

Cause if you're little you can do a lot, you
Mustn't let a little thing like little stop you
If you sit around and let them get on top, you
Won't change a thing
Just because you find that life's not fair
It doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it
If you always take it on the chin and wear it
You might as well be saying you think that's it's okay
And that's not right

Post-Chorus

And if it's not right
You have to put it right...

Verse 4

But nobody else is gonna put it right for me
Nobody but me is gonna change my story
Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty

 

SCENE 2:  Matilda’S BEDROOM

#3 – NAUGHTY song

After song

Matilda opens a cabinet, taking out a little bottle of peroxide, reading the bottle

Matilda

‘Platinum blonde hair dye – extra strong.  Keep out of reach of children’ Hmmmm  (Picks up another bottle, reads it) ‘Oil of violets hair tonic, for men’  Yep!

She opens the hair tonic and pours peroxide into it.  She shakes the bottle, then replaces them both in the cabinet

Matilda crosses back to her bedroom, triumphant

 

#4 GREEN HAIR

Morning.  Mr Wormwood enters the bathroom wearing a towel on his hair, Michael trailing

Mr Wormwood

In business son, a man’s hair is his greatest asset.  Good hair means a good brain. 

Mr Wormwood removes the towel, revealing his hair is now bright green

Mrs Wormwood and Matilda enter

Mrs Wormwood

Your….hair! It’s……It’s……Green!

Mrs Wormwood holds up a mirror

Mr Wormwood

My hair’s green!

Mrs Wormwood

Why on earth did you do that?

Matilda

Maybe you used some of Mummy’s peroxide by mistake?

Mrs Wormwood

That’s exactly what you’ve done, you stupid man!

Mr Wormwood

My hair! My lovely hair? (suddenly thought!)  I’ve got my deal today!  The Russians…..what am I going to do?

Matilda

I know what you can do.

Mr Wormwood

What?

Matilda

You could pretend you’re an elf.

Mr Wormwood

What are you talking about you fool?  The boy’s a loony

#5 HEAR A STORY begins

Mr Wormwood exits

Matilda

Mum, would you like to hear a story?

Mrs Wormwood

Don’t be disgusting!  The sooner you’re locked up in school the better!

Mrs Wormwood exits

 

SCENE 3: THE LIBRARY

Mrs Phelps

Matilda! What a pleasure to see you here in the library again.

Matilda

Yes.  I mean, my mum wanted me to stay at home with her. But I think it’s good for grown ups to have their own space.

Mrs Phelps

Your parents must be proud to have a girl as clever as you.  And do you tell them stories like you tell me?  Oh, I love your stories, Matilda. (Beat) That’s a hint, by the way.

Matilda

Once upon a time…..

#6 Acrobat STORY PART 1

Matilda

The two greatest circus performers in the world-----an Escapologist, and an Acrobat fell in love and got married. 

Acrobat

They performed some of the most incredible feats together and people would come from miles around!

Escapologist

Kings, Queens, Celebrities, and Astronauts.  And not just to see their skills but also to see their love for one another.

Matilda

Which was so deep that it was said cats would purr as they passed them and dogs would weep with joy.

Acrobat

They moved into a beautiful, old house----

Slow fairground tempo

Escapologist

And although they loved each other, they were sad.

Acrobat

We have everything

Escapologist

Everything

Acrobat

But the one thing….

Escapologist

We do not have a child

Matilda

Their sadness overwhelmed them and their work became the only place they could escape the tragedy of their lives.  So they decided to perform the most dangerous feat ever known to man.  It is called…

#7 Acrobat STORY PART 2

Acrobat

The Burning Woman Hurling Through The Air With Dynamite In Her Hair Over Sharks And Spiky Objects….

Escapologist

Caught By The Man Locked In The Cage

Acrobat

And it is the most dangerous feat ever known to man.

Acrobat, Escapologist, Matilda

It is our destiny.

Mrs Phelps gasps, silence.

Mrs Phelps

Well? What happened?

Matilda

I don’t know. Bye, Mrs Phelps.  Ill see you tomorrow.

Mrs Phelps

After your first day of school.

 

SCENE 4: THE SCHOOL GATES

#8 SCHOOL SONG begins

The big kids exit, the little kids form a classroom, Miss Honey enters.  At the front of the board is a chalk board, with ‘I can now read words’ written on it

Miss Honey

Good morning children.  My name is Miss Honey.  And today is a very special day: your first day at school.  Now, can anyone read this?

Miss Honey underlines I can now read words

Nellie, Matilda, and Lavender raise their hands

Nellie

Me, me, me, ooooh, me, pick me miss, I can, mememememe

Miss Honey

Vey well Nellie

Nellie opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out

Miss Honey

Yes, I think we’d better leave it there, Nellie, we don’t want you to burst a blood vessel on your first day.

Nellie droops back on his desk

Miss Honey

Lavender?

Lavender

Is the first word…..Tomato?

Miss Honey

Um, no. But tomato is a very good word.

Lavender

Yessss!

Miss Honey

Matilda?

Matilda

I can now read words

Miss Honey

So Matilda, you can read words?

Matilda

Well, I needed to learn to read words so I could read sentences because basically a sentence is just a big bunch of words.  And if you cant read sentences you’ve got no chance with books.

Miss Honey

And….have you read a whole book yourself?

Matilda

More than one.  I love books.  Last week I read quite a few.

Miss Honey

A few? What books did you read?

#9 MatildaS BOOKS/PATHETIC INTRO

Matilda

Nicholas Nickleby, Oliver Twist, Jane Eyre, The Lord of The Rings, Crime and Punishment, and….and The Cat In The Hat.

Miss Honey stares, open mouthed. The bell sounds, the kids exit

Miss Honey crosses to Trunchbull’s door.  She starts to knock…..but hesitates

Miss Honey

Don’t be pathetic. Just knock on the door…

Miss Honey knocks

Trunchbull

Enter!

Miss Honey doesn’t move

Trunchbull

Well don’t just stand there like a wet tissue, get on with it.

Miss Honey

Miss Trunchbull theres, in, in, in my class there is a little girl called Matilda Wormwood….

Trunchbull

Daughter of Mr. Harry Wormwood who owns Wormwood Motors.  Excellent man.  Told me to watch out for the brat, though, says she’s a real wart.

Miss Honey

Oh no, Headmistress. I don’t think Matilda is that kind of child at all.

Trunchbull

What is the school motto, Miss Honey?

Miss Honey

Bambinatum est maggitum (bahm-bi-nah-tum ehst mahgi-tum)

Trunchbull

Bambinatum est maggitum.  Children are maggots.  In fact it must have been her who put that stink bomb under my desk this morning. Ill have her for that.  Thank you for suggesting it.

Miss Honey

But I didn’t…..Miss Trunchbull; Matilda Wormwood is a genius

Trunchbull

Nonsense!

Miss Honey

Headmistress, it is my opinion that this girl should be placed with the eleven year olds.

Trunchbull

We cannot just ‘place her in with the eleven year olds!’ What kind of society would that be?  What about rules, Honey, rules?

Miss Honey

I believe that Matilda Wormwood is an exception to the rules.

Trunchbull

An exception?

#10 THE HAMMER begins

Trunchbull

To the rules? In my school? (Song begins)

The Hammer

verse

Look at these trophies, see how my trophies gleam in the sunlight, see how they shine
What do you think it took to become English Hammer-throwing champion 1969?
Do you think in that moment, when my big moment came
That I treated the rules with casual disdain? Well, like hell

verse

As I stepped up to the circle, did I change my plan? Hmm? What?
As I chalked to my palms, did I wave my hands? I did not
As I started my spin, did I look at the view?
Did I drift off and dream for a minute or two?

verse

Do you think I faltered or amended my rotation?
Do you think I altered my intended elevation?
As the hammer took off, did I change my grunt
From the grunt, I had practised for many a month?

verse

Not a jot, not a dot, did I stray from the plot
Not a detail of my throw was adjusted or forgotten
Not even when the hammer left my hands
And sailed high up, up above the stands, did I let myself go
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

verse

If you want to throw the hammer for your country
You have to stay inside the circle all the time
And if you want to make the team
You don't need happiness or self-esteem
You just need to keep your feet inside the line

verse

Sing, children (two, three, four)
If you want to throw the hammer for your country
Habinot est magitem, you have to stay inside the circle all the time
(Circular, magitem, magitem)
And if you want to teach success (ahh, ahh)
You don't use sympathy or tenderness (tenderness)
You have to force the little squits to toe the line!

verse

Sing, Jenny! (Two, three, four)
If you want to throw the hammer for your country
(Regotem, regotem varia magitem)
You have to stay inside the circle all the time (tempero es te iste is)
Apply just one simple rule, to hammer-throwing, life, and school
Life's a ball, so learn to throw it, find the bally line, and toe it
And always keep your feet inside the line

outro

Now get out

Miss Honey

W-w-w-w-well, I must tell you headmistress that it is my intention to help this little girl.  W-w-w-whether you like it or not!’

Miss Honey exits

 

SCENE 5: THE WORMWOODS HOUSE

#11 – HAMMER TO WORMWOODS begins

Mr Wormwood enters, sulking

Mr Wormwood

Stupid, nasty, question-asking Russians!

Mrs Wormwood

Oh, don’t tell me we’re not rich….

Mr Wormwood

They took one look at the mileage on the first car and said that these cars were knackered.  I told them the mileage is so high ‘cause of a manufacturing mistake.

Matilda

So you lied?

Mr Wormwood

Of course I lied.

Matilda

And they didn’t believe you?

Mr Wormwood

Of course they didn’t believe me.  Ive got green hair!

Michael

I’ve got hair

Mr Wormwood

And what’s this? Another flaming book? What’s wrong with the telly?

Matilda

No, no, it’s a lovely book, honest you should read it, I’m sure you’d……..

Mr Wormwood

Here’s what I think of your lovely!!

#12 NAUGHTY – SUPERGLUE PART 1

Mr Wormwood takes the book

Matilda

No! It’s a library book!

Mr Wormwood rips apart the book

Mrs Wormwood

You showed the little brat. Oh! I’m late for my dance lesson with Rudolpho!

Mrs Wormwood exits

Mr Wormwood

Now get out of here you little….stink worm.

Matilda looks at the book. Glares up at her father and gathers the torn book

Matilda

Do we have any superglue?

Mr Wormwood

In the cupboard

He suddenly thinks of a hilarious joke)

Mr Wormwood

And while you’re at it – Why don’t you stick your stupid book to your stupid head!

#13 NAUGHTY SUPERGLUE PART 2

SONG

Mr Wormwood

I’ve got my eye on you, boy.

Mr Wormwood exits

Matilda

I’m a girl!!

#14 NAUGHTY SUPERGLUE PART 3

SCENE 6: THE PLAYGROUND AT SCHOOL

Lavender crosses to Matilda

Lavender

Matilda, do all those brains in your head give you a headache?  I mean it’s got to hurt, all squished in there.

Matilda

No, its fine.  I think they just…..fit.

Lavender

Well, I’d better hang around just in case they start to squeeze out of your ears.  I’m Lavender.  And I think it’s probably for the best if we’re best friends.

Lavender holds her hand out.  They shake, Nellie enters, panicked

Nellie

Hide me! Someone poured a whole can of treacle onto Trunchbulls chair!  Someone told her I did it and now she’s after me!

Matilda

That’s not fair!

BIG KID 2

Once Agatha Trunchbull decides you’re guilty you are squished.

Nellie

They’re saying she’s going to put me in the chokey.

#15 THE CHOKEY CHANT

Matilda

Whats Chokey?

Nellie

They say it’s a cupboard in her office that she throws children into.  It’s lined with nails and spikes and bits of broken glass….

CHOKEY CHANT SONG

Matilda

Alright, when did this happen?

Nellie

Twenty minutes ago. Why? (spotting Trunchbull) She’s coming!

Matilda

You’d better hide. Quick! Blazers!

#16 HIDING Nellie

Nellie

Please don’t tell her where I am Matilda, she’ll

Matilda

Now!!

The kids throw their coats on Nellie, hiding him from Trunchbull, then stand in an inspection line

The Trunchbull enters, the kids avoid eye contact except Matilda

Trunchbull

(Pointing at Matilda)  Where is the maggot known as Ni-gel?

Matilda

He’s over there under those coats.

The kids look at Matilda, horrified at her betrayal.  Smiling, Trunchbull crosses to the coats

Matilda

Where he’s been for the last hour actually.

Trunchbull stops

Trunchbull

What? An hour?

Matilda

Oh yes! Nellie suffers from a rare but chronic sleeping disorder called narcolepsy. The sufferer falls asleep, often without any warning.  We put him under the coats for safety.  Didn’t we?

(The kids stare open-mouthed)

DIDN’T WE!

Lavender

Definitely!

Matilda

She’ll probably think he’s in bed when he wakes up.

Nellie emerges, stretching

Nellie

(yawning) Is it time for school yet, mum? (‘surprised’ by his location) Hello? What am I doing here? This isn’t my bedroom at all! Oh, hello Miss Trunchbull.

The Trunchbull knows there is something amiss

Trunchbull

Amanda Thripp!

#17 Amanda Thripp (PIGTAILS)

Amanda steps forward

Amanda Thripp

Yes, Miss Trunchbull.

Trunchbull

What have I told you about wearing pigtails? I hate pigtails!

Amanda Thripp

But…..My mummy says they make me look pretty.

Trunchbull

Then your mother……..(grabs Amanda by the pigtails)  Is it twit!

The Trunchbull swings Amanda slowly, then gaining momentum.  She lets go. Amanda sails into the distance

Amanda lands with a crump.  She gets up, dazed.  The Kids cheer

Trunchbull

(to Matilda) You! What is your name?

Matilda

Matilda. Matilda Wormwood.

Trunchbull

Well Wormwood, you have just made a very big mistake.

The Trunchbull exits.  The kids stare at Matilda in wonder

Lavender

(Beaming) Just so you all know, she’s my best friend.

KIDS

Wow!!

SCENE 8 THE WORMWOOD HOUSE

MISS HONEY is at the Wormwoods door.  She gestures to knock, hesitates, and then decides to knock

Mrs Wormwood

Who is it?

MISS HONEY

Oh, yes, um, hello, my name is Miss Honey. Matilda’s teacher?

Mrs Wormwood

Bit busy right now….

Miss Honey  

It will only take a moment

Mrs Wormwood

Oh, well, come in if you want.  (inviting MISS HONEY inside)  This is Rudolpho, he’s my dance partner.  We’re rehearsing

Rudulpho

Ciao

Miss Honey  

Ah, parle Italiano? Bene.

Rudulpho

(beat) What? (to Mrs Wormwood) Who is this, babe?  You know what interruptions do to my energy flow.

Mrs Wormwood

What do you want, Miss Chutney?

Miss Honey  

It’s Miss Honey.  Well, as you know Matilda is in the bottom class and children in the bottom class aren’t really expected to read---

Mrs Wormwood  

Well stop her reading then.  Lord knows we’ve tried.

Rudulpho

(dancing) I’m in the zone, doll.  I can feel it in my hips.  Don’t waste this.

Mrs Wormwood  

I’m not in favor of girl getting all clever pants, Miss Hussey.  Looks are more important than books.  Now, look at you, look at me.  You chose books, I chose looks. Good day.

(Mrs Wormwood forces MISS HONEY out the door)
#20 THIS LITTLE GIRL SONG

SCENE 9:  THE LIBRARY

 Matilda is at the library with Mrs Phelps

Matilda  

And so the great day arrived.
#21 ACROBAT STORY II (PART 1)

Matilda

Everything was arranged by the acrobat’s sister – a frightening woman who used to be an Olympic – class hammer thrower, and who loved nothing better than to scare the children of the town.  Suddenly, out came the escapologist.

Escapologist  

Ladies and Gentleman, boys and girls….The Burning Woman Hurling Through The Air With Dynamite In Her Hair Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By The Man Locked In The Cage…..has been cancelled.

Mrs Phelps:  

No!

Escapologist  

Cancelled because my wife is…..pregnant.

Mrs Phelps

So it has a happy ending?

Matilda  

No!
(#22 – ACROBAT STORY II (PART 2) begins)

Matilda

Just then the acrobat’s sister stepped forward and produced…..a contract.

Trunchbull

(off stage)  I have paid for the posters, publicity, the catering, the toilet facilities.  Where is my profit?  A contract is a contract.  You will perform on this day or off to prison you both shall go!

Mrs Phelps:  

No, no!! (Matilda begins to exit)  W-w-what happens next?

Matilda

I don’t know, yet.  I’ll tell you tomorrow.
(#23 – INTO CLASSROOM)
(Matilda exits)

SCENE 10:  MISS HONEY’S CLASSROOM

As the KIDS enter MISS HONEY pulls Matilda aside

MISS Honey

(pulling Matilda aside) Matilda, starting tomorrow I shall bring in a selection of very clever books that will challenge your mind.  You may sit and read them while I teach the others and if you have any questions, well, I shall do my best to answer them.  How does that sound?

Matilda is overwhelmed and suddenly hugs MISS HONEY)

Matilda!

Why… that is the biggest hug in the world!  You’re going to hug all of the air out of me!

(Matilda shows no sign of breaking the hug.  A beat.  MISS HONEY hugs back)
#24 – THE TrunchbullS ENTRANCE begins
(The Trunchbull storms on)

Trunchbull  

Matilda Wormwood! Where is….

Matilda

(stepping forward) Yes, Miss Trunchbull.

Trunchbull

Aha! So you admit it do you?

Matilda  

Admit what, Miss Trunchbull?

Trunchbull  

This morning this foul carbuncle sneaked like a serpent into the kitchen and stole a slice of my private chocolate cake from my tea tray.

Matilda  

No I did not!

Miss Honey  

Miss Trunchbull, Matilda’s been here all morning.

Trunchbull  

Standing up for the little spitball are you?  Well this crime took place before school started.  Therefore she is…. (writing on the board)…. Guilty!
#25 BURP SEQUENCE (Part 1) begins

Bruce

(to the audience)  Okey, look, I stole the cake.  And honestly I was really, definitely, sort of almost thinking about owning up….maybe?  But I was having a lot of trouble with my belly.  The Trunchbull’s cake was so good that I’d scoffed it down too quick and now it was beginning to fight back (his belly rumbles) See? (It rumbles again)

Matilda  

I didn’t do anything!

Trunchbull  

You are a crook, and a thief and I shall crush you!
#26 – BURP SEQUENCE PART 2 begins
(Bruce lets out a really, really enormous burp)
#27 – BURP SEQUENCE PART £ begins

Bruce  

(to the audience) A huge cloud of chocolatey gas wafted from my mouth and drifted into the face of the Trunchbull.
(The Trunchbull is hit by the burp.  Pause)

Trunchbull  

Bruce Bogtrotter……
(The Trunchbull advances on Bruce)

Bruce  

Yeas, Miss?

Trunchbull  

You liked my cake, didn’t you, Bruce?

Bruce  Yes, Miss Trunchbull, and I’m very sorry, but – 

Trunchbull  

Oh, as long as you enjoyed the cake, that’s the main thing.

Bruce  

Is it?

Trunchbull  

Yes, Bogtrotter. It is.

Bruce  

Oh. Well….I did. (a beat) Thank you.

Trunchbull  

Wonderful.  Marvellous.  That makes me so happy.  It gives me a warm glow in my lower intestine (calling offstage) Oh, Coo-ook!
#28 Bruce (PART 1) begins
(The COOK enters, carrying a massive chocolate cake with one slice missing.  The COOK plonks the cake in front of Bruce.  He stares at it)

Trunchbull  

What’s the matter, Bogtrotter? Lost your appetite?

Bruce  

Well, yes. I’m full.
(Bruce MUSIC STARTS)

Trunchbull  

I will tell you when you are full, and I say that criminals like you are not full until you have eaten the entire cake!

Bruce  

But….

Trunchbull  

No buts, Eat!

Miss Honey  

Headmistress, he’ll be sick-

Trunchbull  He should have thought of that before he decides to steal my cake!
Bruce SONG
(Bruce finishes the cake.  MISS HONEY jumps up and screams)

Miss Honey  

Go on Brucie! Yes! Yes!

All:

Gasp!

Miss Honey

(to Trunchbull)  Sorry, Miss Trunchbull.  I got carried away)
(Trunchbull smiles, crossing to Bruce)

Trunchbull  

Oh, that’s alright, Jenny.  We all get carried away sometimes.  Even me.  Well done Bogtrotter.  Good show.
(Bruce has no idea what to say.  He nods a smile to her.  She returns it and then heads to the door.  He has got away with it…..But the Trunchbull stops. Turns.  Looks at him)
(Trunchbull): Well? (They have no idea what she means)  Come along Bogtrotter.

Bruce  

What? Where?

Trunchbull  

Oh, did I not mention?  That was the first part of your punishment.  There’s more.  The second part.  And the second part is…..Chokey!

Bruce  

What?
#29 Bruce (PART 2) begins

Miss Honey  

No, Miss Trunchbull please, you cant!

Trunchbull  

Do you think I would allow myself to be defeated by these maggots?  Did you? Who do you think I am, Miss Honey?  A weakling? An idiot? You?
(The Trunchbull) storms back to Bruce and grabs him by the wrist)

Bruce  

No, please! Not that! Don’t take me to Chokey.  Not that! Noooo!
(The Trunchbull drags Bruce out)

Matilda  

That’s not right!

 

SCENE 11:  THE LIBRARY

(MRS PHELPS is in the library.  MATILDA enters)

MRS PHELPS:

Matilda, thank god you’re here.  I’m dying for the next part of the story!  I haven’t slept a wink.

MATILDA:  

Mrs Phelps, where’s the revenge section?

MRS PHELPS:

What?  Is there a child at school who’s behaving like a bully?

MATILDA:

Not a child exactly.  Do you want to hear the next part of the story?

(#31 – ACROBAT STORY III Part 1)

MRS PHELPS:

What are we waiting for?

MATILDA:  

As they prepared themselves for the most dangerous feat that had ever been performed, the acrobat gave her husband a kiss-

ACROBAT:

Smile – we have done this a thousand times

ESCAPOLOGIST:

First I escape from the cage, lean out, catch you with one hand, grab a fire extinguisher with the other, and put out the flames on your specially designed dress before they reached the dynamite and blew your head off!

MRS PHELPS:  

(screams) AHHHHH!(beat) Sorry. Go on.

MATILDA:  

The trick started well.  The moment the dress was set alight the acrobat swung into the air.  She hurled over the sharks and spiky objects – suddenly the padlocks pinged open and the huge chains fell away – the door flung open and the escapologist reached out to catch his wife and the child –

MRS PHELPS:  

Oh, I can’t look!

MATILDA:  

He grabs her hand and suddenly the flames are covered in foam before they can both be blown to pieces.

MRS PHELPS:  

Hooray! So the story does have a happy ending!

MATILDA:

No

MRS PHELPS:  

No?

MATILDA:  

No.  The escapologist used just a touch too much foam and suddenly their hands became slippy…..and she fell

MRS PHELPS:  

Did she survive?

(#32 – ACROBAT STORRY III PART 2)

MATILDA:  

She broke every bone in her body except the ones at the ends of her little fingers.  She lived long enough to have their child.

ACROBAT:  

Love our daughter with all your heart.  She is all we ever wanted.

MATILDA:

And then she died.  (MRS PHELPS blows her nose hugely, devastated)  And then…… things got worse.

MRS PHELPS:  

Worse? Oh, no, Matilda, they can’t get worse!

(#33 ACROBATS STORY III PART 3)

MATILDA:  

I’m afraid they did.  Because the escapologist was so kind that he never blamed the evil sister for what happened.  In fact, he asked her to move in and help look after his daughter.  She was nothing but cruel to the little girl, beating her if she ever did anything wrong.  But always in secret, so that the escapologist never suspected a thing.

MRS PHELPS:  

(jumping up) Let’s call the police!!

MATILDA:  

Mrs Phelps, it’s…..it’s just a story

MRS PHELPS:  

What? (remembering herself) Oh, yes, of course (beat) I’d better go.

SCENE 12: A PARK

(#34 – WHEN I GROW UP )

SCENE 13:  THE WORMWOOD HOUSE

MR WORMWOOD:  

Everyone, gather round; I want my family to share in my triumph. (to MATILDA) Not you, boy.

MATILDA:  

I’m a girl! (MATILDA hovers, uninvited)

MR WORMWOOD:  

One hundred and fifty-five old bangers on my hands.  How could I possibly make the mileage go back?  I couldn’t very well drive each one backwards could I?

MICHAEL:

Backwards

MR WORMWOOD:  

When suddenly I had the most genius idea in the world!  I grabbed a drill and, using my incredible mind, I attached the drill to the speedometer of the first car, turned it on and whacked it into reverse.

MICHAEL:

Back-wards

MR WORMWOOD:  

Exactly!  Within a few minutes I had reduced the mileage to practically nothing.

MICHAEL:  

Backwards!

MR WORMWOOD:

Ten minutes later the Russians show up.  Expensive suits, dark glasses –

MRS WORMWOOD:

Russians are nocturnal; I saw it on a program last night.

MATILDA:  

That was a program about badgers

MRS WORMWOOD:  

Same thing. (to MR WORMWOOD) And? Did it work? (MR WORMWOOD opens a suitcase full of cash.  They scream with joy)  Fantastico! Now I’ll be able to attend Rudolpho all day long!

MATILDA:  

But they trusted you and you’ve cheated them!

(They glare at MATILDA)

MRS WORMWOOD:

(to MATILDA)  What have we done to deserve a child like you?

#37 – BOOKWORM

MR WORMWOOD:  

You know what I’m going to do tomorrow?  I’m gonna go down that school and tell your teacher you’re never to be let in again!

MATILDA:  

What? No –

MR WORMWOOD:  

And if she does…..I’ll have her fired!  And you will never read another stinking book as long as you live young man!

MATILDA:  

I’m a girl!

MRS WORMWOOD:  

Now go to your room, you nasty…..little….creep!

MICHAEL:

(to MATILDA)  Backwards.

(#38 ACROBAT STAORY IV)
(MR and MRS WORMWOOD and MICHAEL exit)
(MATILDA is alone in her room and begins to tell the story to herself)

MATILDA:  

The escapologist’s daughter suffered in silence, never saying a single word about the evil aunt’s bullying.  This only encouraged the woman to greater cruelties, until one day, she exploded.

TRUNCHBULL:  

You are a useless, filthy, nasty little …..creep!

MATILDA:  

And the aunt beat her, and threw her into a dark, dark, dusty cellar, locked the door and went out.

(Suddenly there’s a banging on the door.  More.  More.  MATILDA turns to face it)

ESCAPOLOGIST:  

Have I been so wrapped up in my grief for my wife that I have forgotten the one thing that mattered to us most?  I love you so much, I shall spend the rest of my life making it up to you.

MATILDA:  

But when the little girl fell asleep, the escapologist’s thoughts turned to the acrobat’s sister.

ESCAPOLOGIST:  

Bullying children is her game, is it?  Then let us see what she can do when the wrath of a grown man stands before her! (ESCAPOLOGIST exits)

MATILDA:  

But that was the last the little girl ever saw of her father.

(#39 – TRANSITION TO THE SCHOOL GYMNASIUM)
 
 

Scene 14:  School Gymnasium

TRUNCHBULL:  

What are you doing with those books woman?

MISS HONESY:  

They…..They’re for Matilda

TRUNCHBULL:  

Not on my watch!  There is an age for reading and an age for being a filthy little toad.  These…..are toads.  Aren’t you Bogtrotter?

BRUCE:  

Yes, Miss Trunchbull.  Only Bogtrotter here is now a good toad.

MISS TRUNCHBULL:

(To Miss Honey) Sit.   Miss Honesy, you believe in kindness and fluffiness, and books and stories.  This is not teaching! To teach the child, we must first break the child. (She blows a whistle the kids march on)  Quiet you Maggots!!

MISS HONESY:  

But no one was speaking Miss Trunchbull.

TRUNCHBULL:  

Miss Honey, when I say ‘Quiet you Maggots’ you are entirely included in that statement.  Where is my jug of water?

LAVENDER:  

I’ll get it Miss Trunchbull (Lavender gets up.  She is hugely excited.  She cannot help but give the audience a huge thumbs-up as she goes)

TRUNCHBULL:  

Stupid girl.  (To the others)  Look at you. Disgusting! Revolting! Revolting I say!! I think its time we toughened you all up with a little …. Phys-ed.

THE SMELL OF TREBELLION SONG

(Lavender enters with the jug of water, which now has a newt in it.  She cant help but tell the audience)

LAVENDER:  

Look what I found! A newt! I’m gonna put the newt into the Trunchbull’s

TRUNCHBULL:  

Quiet!!

(Lavender hands over the jug)

MISS HONEY:  

I don’t think this is teaching at all, I think its just cruelty!

TRUNCHBULL:  

That is because you, Miss Honey, are pathetic. (pours and drinks the water) You are weak! (Pours more water and drinks) You are, in fact, a snivelling…..little….(pours water, the newt plops out)…. Newt?
Newt! Newt! (Trunchbull whirls and points a huge finger to the only child who has not moved, how happens to be ERIC)

ERIC:  

What? No, not me, I didn’t…..

TRUNCHBULL:

Cockroach! You did this, you vile, repulsive, malicious little sinner! (Grabs Eric by the ears)

ERIC:  

Ow! No1 Stop!

MATILDA:  

Leave him alone you big fat bully!

QUIET SONG

(Matilda steps back into the scene.  Focus on the glass with the newt)

MATILDA:  

Go. Tip….Tip over….Tip….Tip over!

(Suddenly the scene snaps back to life and the glass throws itself (and the newt) at the Trunchbull.  At first she hardle notices, just the feeling something little….but then suddenly she gives a yelp and leaps in the air, grabbing at her posterior)

TRUNCHBULL:  

And I tell you that there is nothing I shall not do, no length to which I shall not go, no punishment I shall not….(feels the newt crawling up her leg)  What is it?  What is it? The newt! Its….Its…Heading north!!  I‘ve got a newt in my knickers!! (a yelp, she runs) I’ve got a newt in my knickers! I’ve got a newt in my knickers! (runs off screaming)

MISS HONEY:  

Well. That was interesting.  I think we’d all better go home.  While we still can.  (Kids all cheer and exit except for Matilda)  Matilda?

MATILDA:  

Watch (Matilda goes up to the glass, stands it up) (Concentrates, silence.  The glass tips over.  Mis  Honey jumps.  She goes over to the glass.  Picks it us.  Examines it. Looks under the desk.  Looks at the glass.  Looks at Matilda)  I moved it with my eyes.  Am I strange?

MISS HONEY:  

Would you fancy a cup of tea?  

MATILDA:  

What do you think it is?  This thing with my eyes?

MISS HONEY:  

I cant pretend that I know, Matilda.  But I don’t believe we should be frightened of it.  I think its something to do with that incredible mind of yours.

MATILDA:  

You mean, there’s no room in my head for all my brains, so they have to squish out through my eyes?
MISS HONEY:  Well not exactly but, yes something like that.  You certainly are a special girl Matilda.  I met your mother.  She’s….unusual.  What about your father?  Is he proud to have a daughter as clever as you?

MATILDA:  

Oh yeah.  He’s always saying ‘Matilda, I am very proud to have a daughter as….’  That’s not true, Miss Honey.  He’s not proud at all, He calls me a liar and a cheat and a nasty little creep

MISS HONEY:  

I see.  My father left when I was young.  Magnus was his name and he was very kind.  But when he was gone, my aunt became my legal guardian.  She was mean and cruel like you can hardly imagine.  I spent years being bullied by that woman…..she made me feel pathetic.  I was trapped.

MATILDA:  

Lets go to the police!

MISS HONEY:  

What? I cant, we have no evidence.  Besides my aunt is a much respected-

MATILDA:  

Who is she?

MISS HONEY:  

Matilda I cant

MATILDA:  

Who is she!!

MISS HONEY:  

Its…Its…Miss….

MATILDA:  

Miss Trunchbull?

MISS HONEY:  

Yes

SCENE 15:  MISS HONEYS CLASSROOM

TRUNCHBULL:  

This class is going to have a very special spelling test.  Any child who gets one single answer wrong, shall….go….to chokey. (Miss Honey glares at her)  What are you looking at?

MISS HONEY:  

You. ( to Eric) You! Spell, oh now, let me see….Spell newt!

ERIC:  

Newt N-E-W-T. Newt

TRUNCHBULL:  

What?

ERIC:  

Miss Honey’s taught us.  She’s very good at teaching

TRUNCHBULL:  

Nonsense!! (To Hortensia)  You! Stand up, turn around and spell one thing that you are….revolting!

HORTENSIA:  

Revolting. R-E-V-O-L-T-I-N-G. Revolting

TRUNCHBULL:  

You’re cheating!

MISS HONEY:

I’ve taught them, that’s all.  With kindness and patience and respect.

TRUNCHBULL:  

How dare you bring those words into my classroom, madam?  You know nothing of teaching and I shall prove it. (to Lavender) You! Spell….Amchellakamanialseptricolistimosis.

MISS HONEY:  

But that’s not a word, you just made it up!

TRUNCHBULL:  

Spell.  Or go to chokey.  And I should warn you; it has silent letters….

LAVENDER:  

A-M-CH-E…L-LA-

TRUNCHBULL:  

Oh dear. Oh deary, deary, dear_

LAVENDER:

K?

TRUNCHBULL:  

I’m sorry.  It was a silent Z.  You’re. Going. To Chokey!!

NELLIE:  

CAT. C-A-F (Trunchbull glares at him) I..I got it wrong, Miss.  You have to put me in chokey too

ERIC:  

DOG. D-Y-P. Dog. And me!

AMANDA:

Table. X-A-B-F-Y Table. And me!

TRUNCHBULL:  

What are you doing?  Whats going on? Stop this!

HORTENSIA:  

You cant piut us all in the chokey. Banana. G-T-A-A-B-L. Banana!

MATILDA:  

Bully!  P-Y-Q-Q-Q-AST-1-2-3-4-89-X! Revolting!

(The kids shout a cacophony of bad spelling at the Trunchbull and then she pulls a lever)

TRUNCHBULL:  

‘You have to put me in chokey too’ ‘You cant put us all in chokey Miss’ Come on now Maggots.  Did you think I hadn’t thought of that?  I’ve got chokeys for each and every one of you!

NELLIE:  

Look! There’s writing…..on the chalk board!

ERIC:  

Agatha…..

AMANDA:  

Agatha this is Magnus

TRUNCHBULL:  

No! It….it cant be!

ALL KIDS:  

Give my Jenny back her house……Then leave!.....Or I will get you…..Like you got me!

TRUNCHBULL:  

NO!!!!!

ALL KIDS:  

RUN…..RUN….

REVOLTING CHILDREN SONG

MISS HONEY:  

A few days later, I received a letter.  It said that my parents will had turned up and that I was now the owner of the beautiful old house which had been owned by my evil aunt, one Agatha Trunchbull.

MATILDA:  

Who was never seen again.  The chokeys were immediately destroyed and a new headmistress took over.

HORTENSIA:  

And her name was….MISS HONEY!! And it was often said that it was the best school in all the land.

EPILOGUE:

MR WORMWOOD:  

Don’t stand there gawping, we’re going to Spain, forever!

MATILDA:  

Spain? But….Why?

MRS WORMWOOD:  

Because this twit brain sold 150 old bangers to the Russian Mafia

MISS HONEY:  

Let Matilda stay here with me!

MRS WORMWOOD:  

I beg your pardon?

MISS HONEY:  

Mr Wormwood, I would love to take Matilda.  I would look after her with love and respect and I’d pay for everything.

MR WORMWOOD:  

You mean leave our daughter? Here? With you?

MATILDA:  

Dad you….you called me your daughter

MR WORMWOOD:

Do you want to stay? Here with Miss Honey?

MATILDA:  

Yes!! Yes I do!!

MRS WORMWOOD:  

And you want to look after her?

MISS HONEY:  

I do

MR WORMWOOD:  

Well…we are a bit short of room…. So….yes

MATILDA:  

Thank you!

MISS HONEY:  

(Facing the audience)  The Wormwoods sped away into the distance.  Because they had found each other.

MATILDA:  

Yes! They had found each other.

BOWS