Shoe Dunnit

Tim - Ella

Terry - Cameron

Priest - Tiana

Sharon - Elisa

Eleanor - Lexi

Jemima - Eden

Giorgio - Frank

Lou - Jo

Pippy - Abbie

Poppy - Saffy

Veronica- Grooms sister - Sian

Wedding singer/Guitarist - Erin

We have a wedding service just about to happen. Guests sat on either side of the Aisle. The groom is at the top waiting. We hear organ music as the flower guy walks up the aisle throwing flowers into the crowd. He get's up to the nervous Groom who says.

Tim (Groom)

where is she, she should have been here half an hour ago

Veronica

Maybe she's done a runner. An who would blame her.

Terry (flower guy)

Don't worry I can go and throw a few more flowers around, I've got plenty...

Priest

No actually I've got another service in half an hour. If we don't get on with it soon I'm afraid we'll have to postpone

a look of horror comes over the groom

Tim (Groom)

Postpone????

Then in amongst the crowd everyone is repeating the questions 'postpone?' while constantly turning heads towards different people and flinging their arms in the air

suddenly a voice in amongst the crowd pipes up

Sharon (the brides cleaner)

Sorry to be Frank but it's no surprise to me that she's late. She'd always late, she's late with payments, she's late if we ever have a meeting and yet she has a massive go at me if I so much as was a second late. 
Talking of which she still owe's me 3 months pay.
3 Bloody months pay

Eleanor (Grooms mother)

Well actually that sounds about right. In fact I've always said, haven't I darling' that she's making out that she has far more money than she actually has and that the only reason she's marrying my son is...

Tim (Groom)

Mum, please stop now. I happen to love Cathy, very much in fact and I won't have you...

Jemima (maid of honour)

and do you know what she did to me?

everyone

what????

Jemima (maid of honour)

The cow promised to pay for a new hairdoo and then left the hairdresser early and I had to pay for her, for the bridesmades as well as myself. I coud have...

The father of the bride has suddenly walked in and shouts

Giorgio (father of the bride)

Stoppppppppppp

He's emotional

Giorgio (father of the bride)

My Bella Bambina Caterina...

He pauses for breath

Giorgio (father of the bride)

She.....

Tim (Groom)

Please Giorgio. Tell us

Giorgio (father of the bride)

She's a dead

The groom collapses into loud wailing and tears.
Giorgio goes to console the groom while wailing himself

Lou the best man approaches the groom in a loud whisper

Lou (best man)

My opinion, you dodged a bullet babe, she was tapped in the ed. Looks like someone's done it for ya

The groom kicks the best man in the shin who writhes in agony and hops off into the distance

Tim (Groom)

But how. How did she die?

Giorgio (father of the bride)

She was killed. Murdered. I think, one of you people, who no like my daughter murdered her.

Sharon (the brides cleaner)

Well I think it must have been that maid of honour, you can see how much you hate her

Jemima (maid of honour)

What? I couldn't even kill a spider. I think it's the grooms mother, you can tell that she would do anything to stop her son from marrying that gold digger

Eleanor (Grooms mother)

That's absurd, and anyway, you can tell the amount of hatred in the cleaners voice. And I've heard she's lethal with  a broom handle.

Sharon (the brides cleaner)

I did bloody hate her, but I wouldn't kill the person who was paying me

Veronica

Seriously guys, if you hated her that much I would have done it for you for free.

They break into an improve of arguing with each other. You can't understant what they're saying.

Giorgio (father of the bride)

Stoppppppppppp
Here come the police, Pippy and Poppy. They will tell us who killed Caterina

We see Pippy and Poppy walking up. They are slapstick masters. Clumbsy while trying to look professional

Poppy

Evening all, we have just comeback from the scene and we have reached a conclusion

everyone

who did it?

Poppy

Please be patient. I'm going to hand you over to my colleague, world renowned forensic expert, Pippy De Le Peurpeur who will reveal our findings.

Pippy

Madamme e Monsiers.
Please sit down for our conclusion on this tragic incident.
Caterina was killed by...

This is said in a heavy french accent making it difficult for the crowd to understand

..a shoe

Terry

Bless you

Sharon

Do you want a tissue anti bac?

Veronica

That is absolutely mank

Eleanor

You had better not have Covid

Jemima

Any way. Moving on. Who killed Caterina.

Pippy

No, A Shoe

Eleanor

Definetly Covid

Poppy
No What she's saying is a Shoe

It's a shoe that killed Caterina

After much investigation we discovered that the very beautiful but knock off shoe's she bought from Ebay had a fault in the heal. And as Caterina walked down the stairs she would fall to her untimely death

You see what we have here today ladies and gentlemen is not a case of who dunnit,
no not at all

We have a case of...

...shoe dunnit

shoe Dunnit

Verse/Chorus/ending

Shoe dunnit
What a waste of life
Should have been his wife

Instead she went and lost it to a shoe

Shoe Done it?

Maid of honour

She was marrying another and she left him because she's in love with this groom, however he and Kathleen went ahead taking the wedding day slot

Parents of the Groom

They think she's a gold digger after their sons vast inheritance

Groom

Discovered that Kathleen had an affair

Ironing Lady

She was fired by Kathleen

Butler

He wants Kathleen dead because she stole a recipe off him and made a fortune from it and no one believes that he had it first.

Kathleen the bride