Blonde Phobia
The scene starts at the hairdressers. We have 2 hairdressers at their chairs with customers already, having a chat.
Jolene
So how is everything Brenda?
Lulu
So how is everything Naomi?
Brenda
Oh I don't know Jolene, what with the cost of living and everything life is so tough at the moment
Jolene
Oh I know.
Naomi
Have you seen the price of butter now?
Lulu
Oh I know.
Brenda
And that husband of mine, well, he's always at the pub spending our money
Jolene
Oh I know.
Naomi
Have you seen the price of bitter now?
Lulu
Oh I know.
Brenda
I don't know why they don't drink that new alternative one, I know it's not the real thing, but it costs half price!
Naomi
I know, I can't believe it's not bitter.
Brenda
Jolene and Lulu, seeing as it's all a bit doom and gloom why don't you cheer us up with a performance of one of your songs
Naomi
Yeah, the one that explains the name of your hairdressers
Lulu
Are you guys sure?
Jolene
Aren't you in a hurry?
Brenda
Yes, but you can cut while you sing
Jolene
ok, but on one condition
Naomi
What's that?
Lulu
That you join in
Brenda & Naomi
Deal
Jolene
Olga. Could you get the piano out please and play Blonde Phobia.
Olga
Done
Olga get's the keyboard out and starts playing. Even the lady in the waiting room joins in.
They all perform the song Blonde Phobia that explains how they have a phobia of blonde hair and that when they come too close to a blonde they break out in a weird involuntary chicken dance
Verse 1
You and me are the same, we were born to deliver haircuts
But we have to explain, that there's a problem that makes life difficult
When we were at school,
When we were at school,
there was a bully that made our life sad
Especially cruel, and as blonde as blonde a girl could ever be
Chorus
Please understand
Blonde Phobia
Affects our lives in everyway
Please understand
Blonde Phobia
The cause of our Blonde Phobia
Blonde Phobia
Blonde Phobia
Blonde Phobia
Verse 2
Now we're no longer young, but we cannot shake off those feelings
When we see someone blonde the hurt sends us into a crazy dance
Take a look over there
Take a look over where?
Let us know if a blonde girl's coming
We will hide under hair so we won't see the thing that terrifies
Chorus
Please understand
Blonde Phobia
Affects our lives in everyway
Please understand
Blonde Phobia
The cause of our Blonde Phobia
Blonde Phobia
Blonde Phobia
Blonde Phobia
Break
It's no lie, when we're set off we dance for days and days
last July, we saw one and we danced in August, and September, and October and November
Chorus
Please understand
Blonde Phobia
Affects our lives in everyway
Please understand
Blonde Phobia
The cause of our Blonde Phobia
Please understand
Blonde Phobia
Affects our lives in everyway
Please understand
Blonde Phobia
The cause of our Blonde Phobia
When the song finishes they go back to doing what they were doing. Hairdressers cutting hair (they'll be chatting silently) customer waiting and receptionist on the computer.
We see two people walk in, Nadia and Juliana. Olga is looking up
Olga
Good morning
Nadia
Morning
Olga
How can I help
Juliana
We're after a blow dry please
Olga
Ok, you're in luck we have a double slot 10am
Nadia
Great, yes please
Olga
Booked. Special occasioon?
Juliana
We're delivering a Psychology lecture at the University this morning
Olga
Oh wonderul. Feel free to take a seat in the waiting room
Then a blonde customer walks in and Olga is too busy focusing on the computer screen that she doesn't notice.
Annunziata
Hello
Olga
Hiya
Annunziata
Could I have an appointment please for a wash cut and blow dry
Olga
Sure, we have a 3pm or a 4.30pm, ooh, there's actually a slot in half hour
Annunziata
Great, I'll take it
Olga
Name
Annunziata
Annunziata
Deirdre looks up from her newspaper and does a double take
Deirdre
Ummmmmm, Olga I think you better look up
Olga
Just a moment
Then Olga looks up and....
Olga
Nooooooooooooo
She jumps up from her chair and runs for Annunziata who's just about to sit down
Olga
Sorry, you've got to leave
Annunziata
Why?
Olga
errr, the clue is in the shop name
Annunziata
Are you insane?
Olga
Please
Annunziata
I'm going nowhere. I'm booked in
Hearing all the commotion Jolene and Lulu go into the waiting room to see what all the commotion is about. When they see Annunziata they scream and break out into the weird chicken dance
Annunziata
What is going on, have I enterend an asylum?
Then we see Ethel walk in and suffer the same phobia unduced meltdown
Olga
They have blondaphobia. When they see a blonde they break out into...
She points to them dancing
Olga
...well that
Annunziata
How do you stop it?
Olga
I don't have a clue. We've always managed to avoid it in the shop up till now
Deirdre
I know that the last time it happened they did their weird dance for months
Nadia
We may be able to help
Annunziata
How?
Juliana
We have done extensive research in Phobias
In the meantime Ethel, Jolene and Lulu are dancing all over the place, behind the audience etc.
Nadia
There's a number of ways, we've got to assess what's right in this case.
Juliana
We need to know what caused the phobia in the first place. Does anyone know?
Brenda
In one of their songs...
Nadia
What songs?
Naomi
They've written songs all about it
Brenda
They say that they were bullied by a blonde girl
Nadia
Ahh, that explains part of it
Juliana
Yes, now we need to know why they break out in a weird, bird like dance
Deirdre
I was friends with them at school. The bully used to accuse them of being cowards. She would call them chicken
Juliana
Great, professor can we work with that?
Nadia
Yes. Here's what we have to do. You see, they are terrified of being different to everyone so we've all got to do the same dance. Especially you Annunziata. If they see you doing the dance too it should cure the problem for ever.
Juliana
So what's our next move?
Nadia
We need to put on a certain song
Juliana
No, not...?
Nadia
I'm afraid so
Nadia get's out her phone and puts on the birdy song.
They all dance to it until it stops and they all stop.
Ethel, Jolene and Lulu are looking around and can't believe that they've stopped while Annunziata is standing there
Nadia
Ladies, you are now cured.
They all jump for joy
Naomi
Hold on a minute does that mean that we'll never hear those songs again?
Jolene
We don't need them anymore
Brenda
Well we heard one of them earlier, can we hear the other one for one last time.
Naomi
Please
Lulu
Oh ok, just for you, and one last time. Never to be repeated.
Chorus
Blondophobia,
Blonde, Blonde, Blonde
That is what we've got
Blonde, Blonde, Blonde
We go Crazy so we kick them out the shop
Verse 2
We were scared of blondes since we were kids
Even just the word gives us the ick (eugh)
Don't mention it to the manager or we'll get fired
though she might not care cause she's always tired
Chorus
Blondophobia,
Blonde, Blonde, Blonde
That is what we've got
Blonde, Blonde, Blonde
We go Crazy so we kick them out the shop
Verse 2
There was a blonde and she was super viscious
So we got worried and she got suspicious
Chorus
Blondophobia,
Blonde, Blonde, Blonde
That is what we've got
Blonde, Blonde, Blonde
We go Crazy so we kick them out the shop
Outro
We've now, NOT, got blondophobia
Cast
Hairdresser 1
Jolene - Isla
Hairdresser 2
Lulu - Mila
Customer 1
Brenda - Nancy
Customer 2
Naomi - Antonia
Customer 3 in waiting room
Deirdre - Darcy Mae
Receptionist
Olga - Neve
Blonde
Annunziata - Mia
Professor Nadia
Nadia - Amalie
Professors assistant
Juliana - Lola
Cleaner
Ethel - Frank - jaxon
