Shoe Dunnit - A Date with Disaster
Chapter 1
It has taken Tim a lot of time to recover from the death of Caterina on the day they were due to marry. Finally he feels he is ready to date again so he applied to be a contestant on the tv programme 'take me out on a blind date'.
We have a dividing panel to seperate the possible dates. The host is called Cilla White. She does an opening speech.
Cilla White
Good evening everybody and welcome to another show where we aim to match two people into finding true love.
We have a very special young man who has one heck of a story to tell but before we present him let's meet our possible candidates. So let's bring them on
We see 5 contestants walk on and take their respective stools all waving wildly to the audience.
Cilla White
So let's meet our first, what's your name, where do you come from and what's the maddest thing you've ever done?
I think at rehearsal today we should brainstorm these so I'll skim through
Julie
My name is Julie and I come from Scunthorpe and I once went to bed without taking my make up off and I woke up the next day with a spot...
Floella
My name is Floella, I'm from Piddlington and I once...
snorts and geek talk
spoke in a library
Stephanie
rambles on with her essex style talk to the point that Cilla White has to interup
Cilla White
Thanks you stephanie
Emelda
My name is Emelda, I'm from Oxford and I don't do mad things because they're dangerous.
Cilla White
Oh ok.
whispers
Don't know why you're here then.
And lastly but not leastly what's your name, where do you come from and what's your hobby
Caterina
My name is Caterina, I'm from Milton Keynes and I once faked my death to get out of my own wedding.
Gasps from everyone
Chapter 2
Cilla White
Wonderful. Now before we meet out main contestant let's watch a video all about him
We watch a film of Tim walking along the canal looking sad with very sad music playing in the background
It's raining but as we pan in and mistakingly we see someone with a watering can and another playing a violine.
(this will depend on wether the school allow us to use their wheeled tv screen).
We then see him being interviewed close up. You see only him, not the interviewer
Tim
I've finally found the courage to come out and talk about it but it's taken a couple of years. You see, I lost my wife on my wedding day.
We see Caterina, on the other side of the screen, start to look concerned
Tim
While I waited at the altar my beautiful and wonderful wife to be, tripped up on the stairs due to a faulty shoe and fell to her death
The penny fully drops for Caterina and she is horrified and while the video plays she tries to leave but the tv company bodyguards (jeremy kyle style) drag her bag onto her stool.
Tim
Such is the trauma from that day that I can't bear to look at a pair of stilletoes.
Suddenly the other 4 contestants on the other side of the screen all kick off their stilletoes.
Cilla White
So now, let's meet him in person. Everyone, we give you Tim
Tim walks on to much applause. He waves very mildly
Cilla White
So Tim we've watched the video, we know the story and i notice you have an unusual necklace.
Tim
Yes, this necklace has the heel of the faulty shoe that lead to her death. It's was my way of saying that I am a devoted man, that when I love I love completely.
I thought by wearing it, close to my heart, it would help me to heal.
Cilla White
So you now feel you're fully ready to find love?
Tim
Cilla, at first I thought "that's it for the rest of my life", it's taken a long time but then I realised that, may her soul rest in peace, she would want me to find love again
Caterina pulls an exagertated expression that says, whattttttttt?
Cilla White
Ok, without further ado could you give your question to contestant number 1
Tim
Contestant number 1, if you were an animal what would you be.
Julie
I would be a butterfly, I feel like I'm a cocoon, but with your love I would sprout wings and fly
Tim
Contestant number 2?
Floella
I would be a canis lupus familiaris, because I'm loyal
Sarcastically says
Emelda
that's clearly a made up name
Floella
I think you'll find it's a dog
Tim
Contestant number 3?
Stephanie
Stephanie will respond by carrying on the pub story instead of answering the question
Cilla White
And contestant number 4
Emelda
I would be a lobster because they stay together forever
Floella
That's not actually true, they just get down to business and then leave
Emelda
Back off, (You're a dog) you lick you're own...
Cilla White
Whoa, Contestant number 5
Caterina
I would be a dung beetle
All contestants
errrrrrr
Tim
Oh my days I love beetles
Cilla White
Ok, Tim, could we have your next question
Tim
Contestant number 1, What would you bring to our relationship
Julie
I'm a very cook so I will show my love through my culinary skills
Tim
Contestant number 2.
Floella
Correct vocabulary, you'll be able to take me anywhere and I won't embarras you
Tim
Contestant number 3
Stephanie
Carries on the pub story
Cilla white and everyone
Oh for goodness sake
Tim
Contestant number 4
Emelda
Risk assesment. After the tragedy in your life I will make sure we will have a long and happy life together.
Tim
Oh wow, Great. Contestant Number 5
Caterina
Space. I'm going to give you personal space. We don't even need to see each other
Tim
Oh my gosh. I love that, the fact that you want to give me my own space.
Cilla White
Final question Time Tim. Make it a good one.
Tim
Contestant number 1, I thought I could never love again having lost my love to a shoe, what could you do to convince me that I move on and love again.
Julie
Just one look at me after the screen rolls back and you will instantly forget her
Tim
Oh wow, so confident
and with that he throws the necklace over the panel to prove that he's ready
Tim
Same question to contestant number 2
Floella
will be there for you, I will understand that you're still getting over the great love of your life and I will hold your hand through it until you're ready
Tim
Wow, ok, same question to contestant number 3
Stephanie
I will be there for you, I will understand that you're still getting over the great love of your life and I will hold your hand through it until you're ready
Cilla White
Stephaine are you sure you're meant to be here. Jeremy Kyle is next door
Stephanie
Did you not here what I said she had my earrings in
Tim
Errrrr Quickly same question to contestant number 4
Emelda
Well Tim, I'm a sprinter and I run for the England olympic team, in fact I'm their number 1, and I think I can run away with your heart, and soon be number 1 for you too.
Floella
Wait, I thought you were too scared of anything, how can you be in the olympics
Emelda
Oh go fetch a ball
Tim
Great, just make sure you don't trip up with those running shoes
Now lastly, but not leastly, same question to contestant number 5
Caterina
Well Tim, I don't think it's my job to convince you so for that reason, I'm out.
Tim
You are so honest and I love honesty
Caterina displays relief that she's said enough to not be chosen and she get's up ready to leave and the show bodyguards make her sit down again
Cilla White
Right Tim, you've now asked everyone the questions, so juding on your responses who would you choose to take on your blind date?
But before you make your decisions we're bringing in your best mate and best man at your wedding Eugine. Ladies put on your headphones.
Eugine
Number 2 sounds like a nerd, Number 4 doesn't know how to have fun and number 3, you'd need a sat nav to get to the end of her story
You're only options really are 1 or 5
Tim
Ok, I've got it.
Cilla gives Tim an option of bringing on a friend to confer with, so that the girls don't hear they put headphones on. The audience will hear the music they're listening to and we see all five dance in hilarious ways
Tim
Well Cilla, I'd love to pretend that it was a difficult decision, however, it's an easy choice for me
Cilla White
How come, I would have thought it would be really challenging as all gave great responses
Tim
Well I like my girls to be honest Cilla, but also...
... I love beetles so my choice is contestant 5
Caterina tries to run and again the heavies step in, while the other, disappointed 4 contestants, put their stilletoes back on and leave.
Cilla White
Wonderul, let's say goodbye to the other contestants
So Tim, we will now pull the screen back and you will now get to meet the lovely Cat from Milton Keynes...
Caterina is turned away from Tim so as not to be seen by him.
Tim
Hi, hello
omg, omg, you look just like my Caterina.
Caterina
Yeah, funny that
Cilla White
You will now enjoy your amazing, beautiful, Sunny, I hope, weekend in Bognor Regis.
Caterina's facial expression reacts
They start walking off to their date
Caterinal picks up a stilletoe
Cast
Cilla White - Saffy
Tim - Charlie
Julie - Scunthorpe - Ruby
Floella - Elisa
stephanie - (essex) Sian
Emelda - Phoenix
Caterina - Eden
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