Shoe Dunnit - A Date with Disaster

Chapter 1

It has taken Tim a lot of time to recover from the death of Caterina on the day they were due to marry. Finally he feels he is ready to date again so he applied to be a contestant on the tv programme 'take me out on a blind date'.

We have a dividing panel to seperate the possible dates. The host is called Cilla White. She does an opening speech.

Cilla White

Good evening everybody and welcome to another show where we aim to match two people into finding true love.

We have a very special young man who has one heck of a story to tell but before we present him let's meet our possible candidates. So let's bring them on

We see 5 contestants walk on and take their respective stools all waving wildly to the audience. 

Cilla White

So let's meet our first, what's your name, where do you come from and what's the maddest thing you've ever done?

I think at rehearsal today we should brainstorm these so I'll skim through

Julie

My name is Julie and I come from Scunthorpe and I once went to bed without taking my make up off and I woke up the next day with a spot...

Floella

My name is Floella, I'm from Piddlington and I once... 

snorts and geek talk

spoke in a library

Stephanie

rambles on with her essex style talk to the point that Cilla White has to interup

Cilla White

Thanks you stephanie

Emelda

My name is Emelda, I'm from Oxford and I don't do mad things because they're dangerous. 

Cilla White

Oh ok.

whispers

Don't know why you're here then.

And lastly but not leastly what's your name, where do you come from and what's your hobby

Caterina

My name is Caterina, I'm from Milton Keynes and I once faked my death to get out of my own wedding.

Gasps from everyone

Chapter 2

Cilla White

Wonderful. Now before we meet out main contestant let's watch a video all about him

We watch a film of Tim walking along the canal looking sad with very sad music playing in the background
It's raining but as we pan in  and mistakingly we see someone with a watering can and another playing a violine.
(this will depend on wether the school allow us to use their wheeled tv screen).

We then see him being interviewed close up. You see only him, not the interviewer

Tim

I've finally found the courage to come out and talk about it but it's taken a couple of years. You see, I lost my wife on my wedding day.

We see Caterina, on the other side of the screen, start to look concerned

Tim

While I waited at the altar my beautiful and wonderful wife to be, tripped up on the stairs due to a faulty shoe and fell to her death

The penny fully drops for Caterina and she is horrified and while the video plays she tries to leave but the tv company bodyguards (jeremy kyle style) drag her bag onto her stool.

Tim

Such is the trauma from that day that I can't bear to look at a pair of stilletoes.

Suddenly the other 4 contestants on the other side of the screen all kick off their stilletoes.

Cilla White

So now, let's meet him in person. Everyone, we give you Tim

Tim walks on to much applause. He waves very mildly

Cilla White

So Tim we've watched the video, we know the story and i notice you have an unusual necklace.

Tim

Yes, this necklace has the heel of the faulty shoe that lead to her death. It's was my way of saying that I am a devoted man, that when I love I love completely.
I thought by wearing it, close to my heart, it would help me to heal.

Cilla White

So you now feel you're fully ready to find love?

Tim

Cilla, at first I thought "that's it for the rest of my life", it's taken a long time but then I realised that, may her soul rest in peace, she would want me to find love again

Caterina pulls an exagertated expression that says, whattttttttt?

Cilla White

Ok, without further ado could you give your question to contestant number 1

Tim

Contestant number 1, if you were an animal what would you be.

Julie

I would be a butterfly, I feel like I'm a cocoon, but with your love I would sprout wings and fly

Tim

Contestant number 2?

Floella

I would be a canis lupus familiaris, because I'm loyal

Sarcastically says

Emelda

that's clearly a made up name

Floella

I think you'll find it's a dog

Tim

Contestant number 3?

Stephanie

Stephanie will respond by carrying on the pub story instead of answering the question

Cilla White

And contestant number 4

Emelda

I would be a lobster because they stay together forever

Floella

That's not actually true, they just get down to business and then leave

Emelda

Back off,  (You're a dog) you lick you're own...

Cilla White

Whoa, Contestant number 5

Caterina

I would be a dung beetle

All contestants

errrrrrr

Tim

Oh my days I love beetles

Cilla White

Ok, Tim, could we have your next question

Tim

Contestant number 1, What would you bring to our relationship

Julie

I'm a very cook so I will show my love through my culinary skills

Tim

Contestant number 2.

Floella

Correct vocabulary, you'll be able to take me anywhere and I won't embarras you

Tim

Contestant number 3

Stephanie

Carries on the pub story

Cilla white and everyone

Oh for goodness sake

Tim

Contestant number 4

Emelda

Risk assesment. After the tragedy in your life I will make sure we will have a long and happy life together. 

Tim

Oh wow, Great. Contestant Number 5

Caterina

Space. I'm going to give you personal space. We don't even need to see each other

Tim

Oh my gosh. I love that, the fact that you want to give me my own space.

Cilla White

Final question Time Tim. Make it a good one.

Tim

Contestant number 1, I thought I could never love again having lost my love to a shoe, what could you do to convince me that I move on and love again.

Julie

Just one look at me after the screen rolls back and you will instantly forget her

Tim

Oh wow, so confident

and with that he throws the necklace over the panel to prove that he's ready

Tim

Same question to contestant number 2

Floella

will be there for you, I will understand that you're still getting over the great love of your life and I will hold your hand through it until you're ready

Tim

Wow, ok, same question to contestant number 3

Stephanie

I will be there for you, I will understand that you're still getting over the great love of your life and I will hold your hand through it until you're ready

Cilla White

Stephaine are you sure you're meant to be here. Jeremy Kyle is next door

Stephanie

Did you not here what I said she had my earrings in

Tim

Errrrr Quickly same question to contestant number 4

Emelda

Well Tim, I'm a sprinter and I run for the England olympic team, in fact I'm their number 1, and I think I can run away with your heart, and soon be number 1 for you too.

Floella

Wait, I thought you were too scared of anything, how can you be in the olympics

Emelda

Oh go fetch a ball

Tim

Great, just make sure you don't trip up with those running shoes

Now lastly, but not leastly, same question to contestant number 5

Caterina

Well Tim, I don't think it's my job to convince you so for that reason, I'm out.

Tim

You are so honest and I love honesty

Caterina displays relief that she's said enough to not be chosen and she get's up ready to leave and the show bodyguards make her sit down again

Cilla White

Right Tim, you've now asked everyone the questions, so juding on your responses who would you choose to take on your blind date?

But before you make your decisions we're bringing in your best mate and best man at your wedding Eugine. Ladies put on your headphones.

Eugine

Number 2 sounds like a nerd, Number 4 doesn't know how to have fun and number 3, you'd need a sat nav to get to the end of her story

You're only options really are 1 or 5

Tim

Ok, I've got it.

Cilla gives Tim an option of bringing on a friend to confer with, so that the girls don't hear they put headphones on. The audience will hear the music they're listening to and we see all five dance in hilarious ways

Tim

Well Cilla, I'd love to pretend that it was a difficult decision, however, it's an easy choice for me

Cilla White

How come, I would have thought it would be really challenging as all gave great responses

Tim

Well I like my girls to be honest Cilla, but also...

 

... I love beetles so my choice is contestant 5

Caterina tries to run and again the heavies step in, while the other, disappointed 4 contestants, put their stilletoes back on and leave.

Cilla White

Wonderul, let's say goodbye to the other contestants

So Tim, we will now pull the screen back and you will now get to meet the lovely Cat from Milton Keynes...

Caterina is turned away from Tim so as not to be seen by him.

Tim

Hi, hello
omg, omg, you look just like my Caterina.

Caterina

Yeah, funny that

Cilla White

You will now enjoy your amazing, beautiful, Sunny, I hope, weekend in Bognor Regis.

Caterina's facial expression reacts

They start walking off to their date

Caterinal picks up a stilletoe

Cast

 

Cilla White - Saffy

Tim - Charlie

Julie - Scunthorpe - Ruby

Floella - Elisa

stephanie - (essex) Sian

Emelda - Phoenix

Caterina - Eden

necklace with a heel

lots of headphones, the funnier the better

all contesntats, heels, stilletoes