Scene 1: The Wormwoods Living Room
Mr W bursts in, pushing past Matilda and speaking into a telephone
Mr Wormwood
Yes sir, That’s right sir. One hundred and fifty five brand new luxury cars, sir
Mrs Wormwood screams noticing Matilda reading a book
Mrs Wormwood
Ahhhh! Harry!
Mr Wormwood
Hang on…….
Mrs Wormwood
Look at this, she’s reading a book! That’s not normal for a five year old. I think she might be an idiot.
Matilda reading out loud
Matilda
Listen to this, ‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…..’
Mrs Wormwood covers her ears
Mr Wormwood
Stop scaring your mother with that book, boy!
Matilda
Im a girl
Mrs Wormwood
And she keeps trying to tell me stories, Harry. It’s not normal for a girl to be all thinking…….
Mr Wormwood
into the phone
Mr Wormwood
I’m gonna call you straight back
hangs up, to Mrs Wormwood
Mr Wormwood
I’m trying to pull off the biggest business deal of my life and I have to listen to this?
Mr Wormwood
What about me? Ive got a whole house to look after, dinners don’t microwave themselves you know! I am off to bleach my roots and I shan’t be talking to you for the rest of the evening.
Mr Wormwood
But Im going to make us rich!
Mr Wormwood
How rich?
Mr Wormwood
Very rich! Russian businessmen. Very, very stupid. Your genius husband is going to sell them one hundred and fifty five old bangers as…..brand new luxury cars!
Matilda
But that’s not fair! The cars will break down, what about the Russians?
Mr Wormwood
Fair? Listen to the boy!
Matilda
I'm a girl
Mr Wormwood
Fair does not get you anywhere, you thick-headed twit brain! All I can say is thank heavens Michael has inherited his old man’s brains, eh son?
Michawel
(watche. I’ve tolds tv) Mi---chael
Michawel
(watche. I’ve tolds tv) Mi---chael
Mrs Wormwood
Well, I shall take your money when you earn it. And I shall spend it. But I shan’t enjoy it because of the despicable way in which you have spoken to me tonight
Mrs Wormwood exits
#2 – INTRO TO NAUGHTY begins
Mr Wormwood(to Matilda)
This is your fault! With your studid books and your stupid reading!
Matilda
But that’s not right!
Mr Wormwood
You’re off to school in a few days and I know your headmistress Agatha Trunchbull. I’ve told her all about you. Scary woman she is, used to compete in the Olympics, throwing her hammer. Imagine what she’s going to do to a horrible little goblin like you, boy.
Matilda
I’m a girl
Mr Wormwood
Now get off to bed you little…..bookworm!
Matilda goes to her room and picks up a book
SCENE 2: Matilda’S BEDROOM
#3 – NAUGHTY song
After song
Matilda opens a cabinet, taking out a little bottle of peroxide, reading the bottle
Matilda
‘Platinum blonde hair dye – extra strong. Keep out of reach of children’ Hmmmm (Picks up another bottle, reads it) ‘Oil of violets hair tonic, for men’ Yep!
She opens the hair tonic and pours peroxide into it. She shakes the bottle, then replaces them both in the cabinet
Matilda crosses back to her bedroom, triumphant
#4 GREEN HAIR
Morning. Mr Wormwood enters the bathroom wearing a towel on his hair, Michael trailing
Mr Wormwood
In business son, a man’s hair is his greatest asset. Good hair means a good brain.
Mr Wormwood removes the towel, revealing his hair is now bright green
Mrs Wormwood and Matilda enter
Mrs Wormwood
Your….hair! It’s……It’s……Green!
Mrs Wormwood holds up a mirror
Mr Wormwood
My hair’s green!
Mrs Wormwood
Why on earth did you do that?
Matilda
Maybe you used some of Mummy’s peroxide by mistake?
Mrs Wormwood
That’s exactly what you’ve done, you stupid man!
Mr Wormwood
My hair! My lovely hair? (suddenly thought!) I’ve got my deal today! The Russians…..what am I going to do?
Matilda
I know what you can do.
Mr Wormwood
What?
Matilda
You could pretend you’re an elf.
Mr Wormwood
What are you talking about you fool? The boy’s a loony
#5 HEAR A STORY begins
Mr Wormwood exits
Matilda
Mum, would you like to hear a story?
Mrs Wormwood
Don’t be disgusting! The sooner you’re locked up in school the better!
Mrs Wormwood exits
SCENE 3: THE LIBRARY
Mrs Phelps
Matilda! What a pleasure to see you here in the library again.
Matilda
Yes. I mean, my mum wanted me to stay at home with her. But I think it’s good for grown ups to have their own space.
Mrs Phelps
Your parents must be proud to have a girl as clever as you. And do you tell them stories like you tell me? Oh, I love your stories, Matilda. (Beat) That’s a hint, by the way.
Matilda
Once upon a time…..
#6 Acrobat STORY PART 1
Matilda
The two greatest circus performers in the world-----an Escapologist, and an Acrobat fell in love and got married.
Acrobat
They performed some of the most incredible feats together and people would come from miles around!
Escapologist
Kings, Queens, Celebrities, and Astronauts. And not just to see their skills but also to see their love for one another.
Matilda
Which was so deep that it was said cats would purr as they passed them and dogs would weep with joy.
Acrobat
They moved into a beautiful, old house----
Slow fairground tempo
Escapologist
And although they loved each other, they were sad.
Acrobat
We have everything
Escapologist
Everything
Acrobat
But the one thing….
Escapologist
We do not have a child
Matilda
Their sadness overwhelmed them and their work became the only place they could escape the tragedy of their lives. So they decided to perform the most dangerous feat ever known to man. It is called…
#7 Acrobat STORY PART 2
Acrobat
The Burning Woman Hurling Through The Air With Dynamite In Her Hair Over Sharks And Spiky Objects….
Escapologist
Caught By The Man Locked In The Cage
Acrobat
And it is the most dangerous feat ever known to man.
Acrobat, Escapologist, Matilda
It is our destiny.
Mrs Phelps gasps, silence.
Mrs Phelps
Well? What happened?
Matilda
I don’t know. Bye, Mrs Phelps. Ill see you tomorrow.
Mrs Phelps
After your first day of school.
SCENE 4: THE SCHOOL GATES
#8 SCHOOL SONG begins
The big kids exit, the little kids form a classroom, Miss Honey enters. At the front of the board is a chalk board, with ‘I can now read words’ written on it
Miss Honey
Good morning children. My name is Miss Honey. And today is a very special day: your first day at school. Now, can anyone read this?
Miss Honey underlines I can now read words
Nigel, Matilda, and Lavender raise their hands
Nigel
Me, me, me, ooooh, me, pick me miss, I can, mememememe
Miss Honey
Vey well Nigel
Nigel opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out
Miss Honey
Yes, I think we’d better leave it there, Nigel, we don’t want you to burst a blood vessel on your first day.
Nigel droops back on his desk
Miss Honey
Lavender?
Lavender
Is the first word…..Tomato?
Miss Honey
Um, no. But tomato is a very good word.
Lavender
Yessss!
Miss Honey
Matilda?
Matilda
I can now read words
Miss Honey
So Matilda, you can read words?
Matilda
Well, I needed to learn to read words so I could read sentences because basically a sentence is just a big bunch of words. And if you cant read sentences you’ve got no chance with books.
Miss Honey
And….have you read a whole book yourself?
Matilda
More than one. I love books. Last week I read quite a few.
Miss Honey
A few? What books did you read?
#9 MatildaS BOOKS/PATHETIC INTRO
Matilda
Nicholas Nickleby, Oliver Twist, Jane Eyre, The Lord of The Rings, Crime and Punishment, and….and The Cat In The Hat.
Miss Honey stares, open mouthed. The bell sounds, the kids exit
Miss Honey crosses to Trunchbull’s door. She starts to knock…..but hesitates
Miss Honey
Don’t be pathetic. Just knock on the door…
Miss Honey knocks
Trunchbull
Enter!
Miss Honey doesn’t move
Trunchbull
Well don’t just stand there like a wet tissue, get on with it.
Miss Honey
Miss Trunchbull theres, in, in, in my class there is a little girl called Matilda Wormwood….
Trunchbull
Daughter of Mr. Harry Wormwood who owns Wormwood Motors. Excellent man. Told me to watch out for the brat, though, says she’s a real wart.
Miss Honey
Oh no, Headmistress. I don’t think Matilda is that kind of child at all.
Trunchbull
What is the school motto, Miss Honey?
Miss Honey
Bambinatum est maggitum (bahm-bi-nah-tum ehst mahgi-tum)
Trunchbull
Bambinatum est maggitum. Children are maggots. In fact it must have been her who put that stink bomb under my desk this morning. Ill have her for that. Thank you for suggesting it.
Miss Honey
But I didn’t…..Miss Trunchbull; Matilda Wormwood is a genius
Trunchbull
Nonsense!
Miss Honey
Headmistress, it is my opinion that this girl should be placed with the eleven year olds.
Trunchbull
We cannot just ‘place her in with the eleven year olds!’ What kind of society would that be? What about rules, Honey, rules?
Miss Honey
I believe that Matilda Wormwood is an exception to the rules.
Trunchbull
An exception?
#10 THE HAMMER begins
Trunchbull
To the rules? In my school? (Song begins)
Miss Honey
W-w-w-w-well, I must tell you headmistress that it is my intention to help this little girl. W-w-w-whether you like it or not!’
Miss Honey exits
SCENE 5: THE WORMWOODS HOUSE
#11 – HAMMER TO WORMWOODS begins
Mr Wormwood enters, sulking
Mr Wormwood
Stupid, nasty, question-asking Russians!
Mrs Wormwood
Oh, don’t tell me we’re not rich….
Mr Wormwood
They took one look at the mileage on the first car and said that these cars were knackered. I told them the mileage is so high ‘cause of a manufacturing mistake.
Matilda
So you lied?
Mr Wormwood
Of course I lied.
Matilda
And they didn’t believe you?
Mr Wormwood
Of course they didn’t believe me. Ive got green hair!
Michael
I’ve got hair
Mr Wormwood
And what’s this? Another flaming book? What’s wrong with the telly?
Matilda
No, no, it’s a lovely book, honest you should read it, I’m sure you’d……..
Mr Wormwood
Here’s what I think of your lovely!!
#12 NAUGHTY – SUPERGLUE PART 1
Mr Wormwood takes the book
Matilda
No! It’s a library book!
Mr Wormwood rips apart the book
Mrs Wormwood
You showed the little brat. Oh! I’m late for my dance lesson with Rudolpho!
Mrs Wormwood exits
Mr Wormwood
Now get out of here you little….stink worm.
Matilda looks at the book. Glares up at her father and gathers the torn book
Matilda
Do we have any superglue?
Mr Wormwood
In the cupboard
He suddenly thinks of a hilarious joke)
Mr Wormwood
And while you’re at it – Why don’t you stick your stupid book to your stupid head!
#13 NAUGHTY SUPERGLUE PART 2
SONG
Mr Wormwood
I’ve got my eye on you, boy.
Mr Wormwood exits
Matilda
I’m a girl!!
#14 NAUGHTY SUPERGLUE PART 3
SCENE 6: THE PLAYGROUND AT SCHOOL
Lavender crosses to Matilda
Lavender
Matilda, do all those brains in your head give you a headache? I mean it’s got to hurt, all squished in there.
Matilda
No, its fine. I think they just…..fit.
Lavender
Well, I’d better hang around just in case they start to squeeze out of your ears. I’m Lavender. And I think it’s probably for the best if we’re best friends.
Lavender holds her hand out. They shake, Nigel enters, panicked
Nigel
Hide me! Someone poured a whole can of treacle onto Trunchbulls chair! Someone told her I did it and now she’s after me!
Matilda
That’s not fair!
BIG KID 2
Once Agatha Trunchbull decides you’re guilty you are squished.
Nigel
They’re saying she’s going to put me in the chokey.
#15 THE CHOKEY CHANT
Matilda
Whats Chokey?
Nigel
They say it’s a cupboard in her office that she throws children into. It’s lined with nails and spikes and bits of broken glass….
CHOKEY CHANT SONG
Matilda
Alright, when did this happen?
Nigel
Twenty minutes ago. Why? (spotting Trunchbull) She’s coming!
Matilda
You’d better hide. Quick! Blazers!
#16 HIDING Nigel
Nigel
Please don’t tell her where I am Matilda, she’ll
Matilda
Now!!
The kids throw their coats on Nigel, hiding him from Trunchbull, then stand in an inspection line
The Trunchbull enters, the kids avoid eye contact except Matilda
Trunchbull
(Pointing at Matilda) Where is the maggot known as Ni-gel?
Matilda
He’s over there under those coats.
The kids look at Matilda, horrified at her betrayal. Smiling, Trunchbull crosses to the coats
Matilda
Where he’s been for the last hour actually.
Trunchbull stops
Trunchbull
What? An hour?
Matilda
Oh yes! Nigel suffers from a rare but chronic sleeping disorder called narcolepsy. The sufferer falls asleep, often without any warning. We put him under the coats for safety. Didn’t we?
(The kids stare open-mouthed)
DIDN’T WE!
Lavender
Definitely!
Matilda
He’ll probably think he’s in bed when he wakes up.
Nigel emerges, stretching
Nigel
(yawning) Is it time for school yet, mum? (‘surprised’ by his location) Hello? What am I doing here? This isn’t my bedroom at all! Oh, hello Miss Trunchbull.
The Trunchbull knows there is something amiss
Trunchbull
Amanda Thripp!
#17 Amanda Thripp (PIGTAILS)
Amanda steps forward
Amanda Thripp
Yes, Miss Trunchbull.
Trunchbull
What have I told you about wearing pigtails? I hate pigtails!
Amanda Thripp
But…..My mummy says they make me look pretty.
Trunchbull
Then your mother……..(grabs Amanda by the pigtails) Is it twit!
The Trunchbull swings Amanda slowly, then gaining momentum. She lets go. Amanda sails into the distance
Amanda lands with a crump. She gets up, dazed. The Kids cheer
Trunchbull
(to Matilda) You! What is your name?
Matilda
Matilda. Matilda Wormwood.
Trunchbull
Well Wormwood, you have just made a very big mistake.
The Trunchbull exits. The kids stare at Matilda in wonder
Lavender
(Beaming) Just so you all know, she’s my best friend.
KIDS
Wow!!
SCENE 7: WORMWOOD MOTORS
#18 MECHANICS
Mr Wormwood enters talking on the phone, a mechanic follows
Mr Wormwood
Yes sir, completely different cars, sir. Green hair? Yeah, it was um, national green hair day, a celebration of all the wonderful green things in the world, like….lettuce and….snot. Tomorrow at one? Absolutely, sir. Bye-bye sir.
Hangs up, to the mechanic
Mr Wormwood
Now that is how you do….
Mr Wormwood tries to remove his hat, but its stuck. He pulls his hat again but it’s still stuck. He furiously tries to remove. Still stuck. He panics, yanking his hat. Still stuck. The mechanic is staring at him
Mr Wormwood
(To the mechanic) Im gonna leave this on. Looks like rain
SCENE 8 THE WORMWOOD HOUSE
MISS HONEY is at the Wormwoods door. She gestures to knock, hesitates, and then decides to knock
Mrs Wormwood
Who is it?
MISS HONEY
Oh, yes, um, hello, my name is Miss Honey. Matilda’s teacher?
Mrs Wormwood
Bit busy right now….
Miss Honey
It will only take a moment
Mrs Wormwood
Oh, well, come in if you want. (inviting MISS HONEY inside) This is Rudolpho, he’s my dance partner. We’re rehearsing
Rudulpho Ciao
Miss Honey
Ah, parle Italiano? Bene.
:
(beat) What? (to Mrs Wormwood) Who is this, babe? You know what interruptions do to my energy flow.
Mrs Wormwood
What do you want, Miss Chutney?
Miss Honey
It’s Miss Honey. Well, as you know Matilda is in the bottom class and children in the bottom class aren’t really expected to read---
Mrs Wormwood
Well stop her reading then. Lord knows we’ve tried.
Rudulpho
(dancing) I’m in the zone, doll. I can feel it in my hips. Don’t waste this.
Mrs Wormwood
I’m not in favor of girl getting all clever pants, Miss Hussey. Looks are more important than books. Now, look at you, look at me. You chose books, I chose looks. Good day.
(Mrs Wormwood forces MISS HONEY out the door)
#20 THIS LITTLE GIRL SONG
SCENE 9: THE LIBRARY
Matilda is at the library with Mrs Phelps
Matilda
And so the great day arrived.
#21 ACROBAT STORY II (PART 1)
Matilda
Everything was arranged by the acrobat’s sister – a frightening woman who used to be an Olympic – class hammer thrower, and who loved nothing better than to scare the children of the town. Suddenly, out came the escapologist.
Escapologist
Ladies and Gentleman, boys and girls….The Burning Woman Hurling Through The Air With Dynamite In Her Hair Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By The Man Locked In The Cage…..has been cancelled.
Mrs Phelps:
No!
Escapologist
Cancelled because my wife is…..pregnant.
Mrs Phelps
So it has a happy ending?
Matilda
No!
(#22 – ACROBAT STORY II (PART 2) begins)
Matilda
Just then the acrobat’s sister stepped forward and produced…..a contract.
Trunchbull
(off stage) I have paid for the posters, publicity, the catering, the toilet facilities. Where is my profit? A contract is a contract. You will perform on this day or off to prison you both shall go!
Mrs Phelps:
No, no!! (Matilda begins to exit) W-w-what happens next?
Matilda
I don’t know, yet. I’ll tell you tomorrow.
(#23 – INTO CLASSROOM)
(Matilda exits)
SCENE 10: MISS HONEY’S CLASSROOM
As the KIDS enter MISS HONEY pulls Matilda aside
MISS Honey
(pulling Matilda aside) Matilda, starting tomorrow I shall bring in a selection of very clever books that will challenge your mind. You may sit and read them while I teach the others and if you have any questions, well, I shall do my best to answer them. How does that sound?
Matilda is overwhelmed and suddenly hugs MISS HONEY)
Matilda!
Why… that is the biggest hug in the world! You’re going to hug all of the air out of me!
(Matilda shows no sign of breaking the hug. A beat. MISS HONEY hugs back)
#24 – THE TrunchbullS ENTRANCE begins
(The Trunchbull storms on)
Trunchbull
Matilda Wormwood! Where is….
Matilda
(stepping forward) Yes, Miss Trunchbull.
Trunchbull
Aha! So you admit it do you?
Matilda
Admit what, Miss Trunchbull?
Trunchbull
This morning this foul carbuncle sneaked like a serpent into the kitchen and stole a slice of my private chocolate cake from my tea tray.
Matilda
No I did not!
Miss Honey
Miss Trunchbull, Matilda’s been here all morning.
Trunchbull
Standing up for the little spitball are you? Well this crime took place before school started. Therefore she is…. (writing on the board)…. Guilty!
#25 BURP SEQUENCE (Part 1) begins
Bruce
(to the audience) Okey, look, I stole the cake. And honestly I was really, definitely, sort of almost thinking about owning up….maybe? But I was having a lot of trouble with my belly. The Trunchbull’s cake was so good that I’d scoffed it down too quick and now it was beginning to fight back (his belly rumbles) See? (It rumbles again)
Matilda
I didn’t do anything!
Trunchbull
You are a crook, and a thief and I shall crush you!
#26 – BURP SEQUENCE PART 2 begins
(Bruce lets out a really, really enormous burp)
#27 – BURP SEQUENCE PART £ begins
Bruce
(to the audience) A huge cloud of chocolatey gas wafted from my mouth and drifted into the face of the Trunchbull.
(The Trunchbull is hit by the burp. Pause)
Trunchbull
Bruce Bogtrotter……
(The Trunchbull advances on Bruce)
Bruce
Yeas, Miss?
Trunchbull
You liked my cake, didn’t you, Bruce?
Bruce Yes, Miss Trunchbull, and I’m very sorry, but –
Trunchbull
Oh, as long as you enjoyed the cake, that’s the main thing.
Bruce
Is it?
Trunchbull
Yes, Bogtrotter. It is.
Bruce
Oh. Well….I did. (a beat) Thank you.
Trunchbull
Wonderful. Marvellous. That makes me so happy. It gives me a warm glow in my lower intestine (calling offstage) Oh, Coo-ook!
#28 Bruce (PART 1) begins
(The COOK enters, carrying a massive chocolate cake with one slice missing. The COOK plonks the cake in front of Bruce. He stares at it)
Trunchbull
What’s the matter, Bogtrotter? Lost your appetite?
Bruce
Well, yes. I’m full.
(Bruce MUSIC STARTS)
Trunchbull
I will tell you when you are full, and I say that criminals like you are not full until you have eaten the entire cake!
Bruce
But….
Trunchbull
No buts, Eat!
Miss Honey
Headmistress, he’ll be sick-
Trunchbull He should have thought of that before he decides to steal my cake!
Bruce SONG
(Bruce finishes the cake. MISS HONEY jumps up and screams)
Miss Honey
Go on Brucie! Yes! Yes!
All:
Gasp!
Miss Honey
(to Trunchbull) Sorry, Miss Trunchbull. I got carried away)
(Trunchbull smiles, crossing to Bruce)
Trunchbull
Oh, that’s alright, Jenny. We all get carried away sometimes. Even me. Well done Bogtrotter. Good show.
(Bruce has no idea what to say. He nods a smile to her. She returns it and then heads to the door. He has got away with it…..But the Trunchbull stops. Turns. Looks at him)
(Trunchbull): Well? (They have no idea what she means) Come along Bogtrotter.
Bruce
What? Where?
Trunchbull
Oh, did I not mention? That was the first part of your punishment. There’s more. The second part. And the second part is…..Chokey!
Bruce
What?
#29 Bruce (PART 2) begins
Miss Honey
No, Miss Trunchbull please, you cant!
Trunchbull
Do you think I would allow myself to be defeated by these maggots? Did you? Who do you think I am, Miss Honey? A weakling? An idiot? You?
(The Trunchbull) storms back to Bruce and grabs him by the wrist)
Bruce
No, please! Not that! Don’t take me to Chokey. Not that! Noooo!
(The Trunchbull drags Bruce out)
Matilda
That’s not right!
