1. Tim - The Groom - Eddie. 

2. Terry - Flower Person - Tana, 

3. Pastor Dimalonskini - The priest -  Poppy

4. Sharon - the brides cleaner - Lola

5. Eleanor - Grooms mother - Sian - Hestia

6. Jemima - Maid of Honour - Amelie

7. Giorgio - Father of the Bride - Frank

8. Lou - Best Man - Tiana

9. Pippy - World renowned forensic expert, Pippy De Le Peurpeur - Mia

10. Poppy - Detective and side kick of Pippy De Le Peurpeur - Maeve

11. Veronica- Grooms sister - Neve

12. Nadia - Wedding singer/Pianist - Ruby

13. Gina - Mum of the bride - Ella

14. Julie - has had a crush on Tim and seizes her opporttunity when there's a now show - Eliza

15. Philipa - Tim's ex who actually turned up in a wedding dress under her coat just in case - Varisha

16. Kelly - Veronica's best friend who is very nosey and very dim - Sabina

17. Nina - Kelly's friend who, unintentionally, are a comic double act 
    
    

Poppy

Shoe Dunnit - The Wedding

We have a wedding service just about to happen. Guests sat on either side of the Aisle. The groom is at the top waiting. We hear organ music as the flower guy walks up the aisle throwing flowers into the crowd. He get's up to the nervous Groom who says.

Tim (Groom)

where is she, she should have been here half an hour ago

Veronica

Maybe she's done a runner. And who would blame her?

Kelly

Oh why's that? Was there a problem?

Nina (a very gossipy trouble make, loves nothing better that to put others down)

Oh you name the problem and they had it.

As usual everyone looks at Kelly & Nina funny and then ignore them

Terry (flower guy)

Don't worry I can go and throw a few more flowers around, I've got plenty...

Priest

No actually I've got another service in half an hour. If we don't get on with it soon I'm afraid we'll have to postpone

a look of horror comes over the groom

Tim (Groom)

Postpone????

Then in amongst the crowd everyone is repeating the questions 'postpone?' while constantly turning heads towards different people and flinging their arms in the air

suddenly a voice in amongst the crowd pipes up

Sharon (the brides cleaner)

Sorry to be Frank but it's no surprise to me that she's late. She'd always late, she's late with payments, she's late if we ever have a meeting and yet she has a massive go at me if I so much as was a second late. 
Talking of which she still owe's me 3 months pay.
3 Bloody months pay

Eleanor (Grooms mother)

Well actually that sounds about right. In fact I've always said, haven't I darling', that she's making out that she has far more money than she actually has and that the only reason she's marrying my son is...

Tim (Groom)

Mum, please stop now. I happen to love Cathy, very much in fact and I won't have you...

Jemima (maid of honour)

and do you know what she did to me?

Tim rolls his eyes

everyone

what????

Jemima (maid of honour)

The cow promised to pay for a new hairdoo and then left the hairdresser early and I had to pay for her, for the bridesmades as well as myself. I coud have...

The father of the bride has suddenly walked in and shouts

Giorgio (father of the bride)

Stoppppppppppp

He's emotional

Giorgio (father of the bride)

My Bella Bambina Caterina...

He pauses for breath

Giorgio (father of the bride)

She.....

Tim (Groom)

Please Giorgio. Tell us

Giorgio (father of the bride)

She's a dead

The groom collapses into loud wailing and tears.
Giorgio goes to console the groom while wailing himself

Lou the best man approaches the groom in a loud whisper

Lou

My opinion, you dodged a bullet babe, she was tapped in the ed. Looks like someone's done it for ya

The groom kicks the best man in the shin who writhes in agony and hops off into the distance

Tim (Groom)

But how. How did she die?

Giorgio (father of the bride)

She was killed. Murdered. I think, one of you people, who no like my daughter murdered her.

Sharon (the brides cleaner)

Well I think it must have been that maid of honour, you can see how much you hate her

Jemima (maid of honour)

What? I couldn't even kill a spider. I think it's the grooms mother, you can tell that she would do anything to stop her son from marrying that gold digger

Eleanor (Grooms mother)

That's absurd, and anyway, you can tell the amount of hatred in the cleaners voice. And I've heard she's lethal with a broom handle.

Sharon (the brides cleaner)

I did bloody hate her, but I wouldn't kill the person who was paying me

Kelly

Oh, how much did she pay you?

Nina (a very gossipy trouble make, loves nothing better that to put others down)

Danger money that's what she paid her

Everyone roll their eyes and as usual ignore Kelly

Veronica

Seriously guys, if you hated her that much I would have done it for you for free.

Suddenly a woman gets up from the congregations

Julie

Hey everyone, I have a suggestion. I know this is a really sad occasion now, and of course condolences to all the family of Caterina, however, now that so much money has been spent on this wonderful occasion we shouldn't let it go to waste, we should turn it into a happy occasion.

Gina

Happy occasion? Are you out of your mind?

Julie

No, not at all, you see I've had a crush on you Tim for the last two years and if you'll have me I will say a very big YES and we can go on that expensive honeymoon that you guys have booked. Don't worry I'm not a freeloader, I promise to pay for food and drink while we're there.

Suddenly there's a commotion

Philipa

Oh, No you don't. You have absolutetly no claim on Tim.

Tim

Excuse me ladies but do I get a say on this

Philipa and Julie both turn to Tim and say at the same time

Philipa and Julie

No

Julie

And what? You do?

Philipa

Absolutely. I'm Tim's Ex. We went out for 3 years.

Gina

You certainly are his ex. We had to EXtrapolate you from him for your loud aggresive behaviour

Kelly

Oh, what did she do Gina

Nina (a very gossipy trouble make, loves nothing better that to put others down)

Lost the plot

Everyone roll their eyes and as usual ignore Kelly

Philipa

Well, I'll have you know that I'm a reformed person now

Tim

I don't think a million years would be enough to reform you

Philipa responds angrily

Philipa

If I say I'm a reformed figure that's exactly what I am. Alright?

Julie

Well that settles it then. I'm good natured so you should definetly choose me Tim

Philipa

By good natured she means borning. Tim, you'll have more excitement waiting for a kettle to boil.

Julie

Well at least I don’t scare small children and pets just by entering a room!

Philipa

Well I don’t look like I got dressed during a power cut!

Julie

That’s rich coming from someone who treats basic manners like they’re optional!

Philipa

Better that than pretending to be nice while plotting your next free holiday!

They step closer, nose to nose.

Julie (pushing lightly)

Back off.

Philipa (shoving harder)

Oh I think you should.

Julie (pushing lightly)

Give it up, I'm clearly the obvious choice here.

They grab at each other.

Tim

I'm not choosing...

Philipa

Oh yes you are, and I present to you the obvious choice. That thing hasn't even got a dress for the occasion

Philipa takes off her coat to reveal that she's already wearing a wedding dress

Sharon (the brides cleaner)

She's wearing a flippin wedding dress, you know what that means?

Jemima (maid of honour)

She killed Caterina so she can Marry Tim

Eleanor goes running towards Philipa and has to be constrained

Eleanor (Grooms mother)

You murdering low life I'm going send you to hell.

Kelly

Will that be by air or rail?

That area of the stage that has both Eleanor and Philipa being constrained carries on arguing while Julie moves over the other side towards Pastor Dimalonskini and near Tim

Julie

Pastor Dimalonskini can we just get on with the service please, Tim and I have a plane to catch

Veronica

You need to catch the first bus to the Mental...

Everybody joins in having a go at Julie on this side of the stage, so we have one rabble of argument happening on one side and another on the other side. an improv of arguing with each other. So much that you can't understand what they're saying.

Giorgio (father of the bride)

Stoppppppppppp
Here come the police, Pippy and Poppy. They will tell us who killed Caterina

We see Pippy and Poppy walking up. They are slapstick masters. Clumbsy while trying to look professional

Poppy

Evening all, we have just comeback from the scene and we have reached a conclusion

everyone

who did it?

Poppy

Please be patient. I'm going to hand you over to my colleague, world renowned forensic expert, Pippy De Le Peurpeur who will reveal our findings.

Pippy

Madamme e Monsiers.
Please sit down for our conclusion on this tragic incident.
Caterina was killed by...

This is said in a heavy french accent making it difficult for the crowd to understand

..a shoe

Terry

Bless you

Sharon

Do you want a tissue anti bac?

Veronica

That is absolutely mank

Eleanor

You had better not have Covid

Jemima

Any way. Moving on. Who killed Caterina.

Pippy

No, A Shoe

Eleanor

Definetly Covid

Poppy

No What she's saying is a Shoe

It's a shoe that killed Caterina

After much investigation we discovered that the very beautiful but knock off shoe's she bought from Ebay had a fault in the heal. And as Caterina walked down the stairs she would fall to her untimely death

You see what we have here today ladies and gentlemen is not a case of who dunnit,
no not at all

We have a case of...

...shoe dunnit

At this point we all sing the song 'shoe dunnit'

Shoe Dunnit

Verse/Chorus/ending

Shoe dunnit
What a waste of life
Should have been his wife

Instead she went and lost it to a shoe

12 cast last time, possibly 17 if we throw in everyone who wants to be in it.

• mum of the bride

• Well if you're not going to marry him I will (what kind of characther would that

• an overly honest person type - like "you're not going  to get them back. 

• the ex is in the audience with a white dress underneath in the hope that she would marry him, so when she finds out that the bride died she thought, marry me as it's all paid for